Who am I?

Who am I?  That is often a question that I have found myself asking lately.  I feel as if I have kind of become lost in this big world.  I am so busy sometimes I feel as if I can't think straight and I get so frustrated that I push people away.  I often have found myself looking towards music during this time.  For this class we had to do a deep map and really think about things that are important to us.

 

This is a picture of my deep map. 

 

My deep map is filled with music notes which represents me and who I am. I feel like I am musically talented and if I really needed to, I believe that I could do something with music as I get older.  Music has been there for me through everything.  From the death of my best friend, Jacob, to little things like not starting in a sport or not getting into the all-state honor choir.  Music is something that can describe your feels and help you through all the rough times no matter how rough it really is.

 Another activity that we have had to do so far in this class is make a life soundtrack.  I think that the song that would have to be my life song would have to be Blessings by Laura Story

 

http://youtu.be/4mmgV6mPvb0

 

Blessings is a song that really describes me.  I think that it really speaks to anyone that listens to it.  At least for me it did the second I listened to it.  I think that no matter what your situation is you need to turn to God because he is always always there for you. 

I have had a rough 18 years of my life so far.  My grandparents on my mom's side have both passed away, my two uncles on my mom side, and my best friend Jacob.  I have found myself get so upset with God and then I would play this song and I would remember that everything happens for a reason and I can't be upset at God for this.  He has a plan for everything.  Recently my boyfriends dad was diagnosed with cancer.  And after dealing with cancer almost exactly a year ago with my classmate Jacob this wasn't exactly what I was ready to deal with.  Jordan, my boyfriend, was there for me last year and I knew that now it was my turn to be there for him.  But I kept doubting myself wondering, am I ready to be the person he needs right now?  It seemed as if we were just getting use to the whole college, high school relationship and I didn't know if our relationship could handle this too.  Now, a month later, our relationship is stronger than ever and I know that we are going to be able to work through this.  At first when we found out about the cancer I was getting ready for school and this song came on and it just hit me.  This song was playing for a reason and this reason was to let me know that I needed to take a step back and thank god for the blessings that I have today. 

The last thing that we have had to do so far in this class is write about a family tradition.  I called up my grandma the second I got home from school that day and asked her about a family tradition that they have or had.  You could hear the smile in her voice and she asked me to come see her.  I went to her place of work and she was all ready to tell me all about her tradition.  Every third Sunday in July the Sanderson family had a reunion picnic that was held at North Park in Central City.  They had it at park because my grandpa at thirteen brothers and sisters and then they had adopted two kids.  There was to many people by the time everyone had kids that they couldn't have everyone to a house any longer.  They would always have a ton of food and everyone would be there and it was an event that was looked forward to by everyone in the Sanderson family.  Esther and Marie, my grandpas siblings, wrote this poem about the day and how much everyone loved it.

 

Family poem about the family picnic

 

After everyone got old and as my grandpa said, "everyone started to die", they quit having the tradition and the kids didn't keep it going.  But, recently one of my grandpas siblings passed away and at the funeral everyone was talking and they think that this July they are going to start up the tradition again and hopefully it is something that can last for a long time.  I hope that when I get older my siblings and I do something fun like that.